RE: My Family’s Obon Journey and Reflections / 家族とお盆
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Thank you for such an interesting insight into part of the Japanese culture.
Just curious, does your married status makes any difference to your participation in the ceremony at your parents home? In our Chinese culture in Hong Kong, now I'm married, strictly speaking I cannot make incense offering in my ancestral temple because I am not part of the family anymore. Whereas my husband can, maybe as a guest? (I never found out the official reason). Luckily customs are more relaxed nowadays with the passing of more traditional elderlies.
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Thank you for reading my article🙂🙂
Your question is very valid! As far as I know, in Japan, it is not that you cannot visit your parents' grave after getting married, but the idea that you should prioritize your husband's ancestors' graves may still be strong. If the two families' graves are not too far apart, I think many people visit both graves and offer incense.
Note: In Japan, married couples take the same surname, and since I changed my surname to my husband's, strictly speaking, I am now a member of my husband's family.
As for me, my husband's family has already divorced, so there is no tradition of gathering during Obon. He is from Kyushu, and since it's not possible to return by plane, he hasn't been back for years. Additionally, the grave is located deep in the mountains...
However, it is also important to honor my husband's ancestors, so we have discussed visiting Kyushu this year to pay our respects at the grave!