LOH #249: Looking Back - The Silence Between My Wins

I’ve spent so much of my life chasing what’s next that I hardly ever pause to look at what I’ve already achieved now.

Not until this quiet morning did I sit in my room with the fan turning lazily and my laptop beside me as I surfed through here. Then I bumped into this contest. And for the first time in a long while, I took a breath that didn’t feel like pressure but fulfillment.

I remembered when I first moved to Lagos and everything felt like war here. From the traffic to the noise to the crazy but beautiful residents. The loneliness that hit me in the first month. It all made me wonder if I'll ever survive Lagos.

I remember crying in the bathroom of my first apartment in Lagos. A cramped, stuffy room with sections they call 'self-contained apartments'. It was as empty as my pockets then.

Now, my present apartment feels like a soft landing. A space I’ve made mine, with one slow step at a time. Although it isn't as spacious as the last one, it's better. And at least I've been able to afford a few properties so it isn't as empty as the first one.

Just like every other human or insatiable being. Sometimes, I feel like I haven’t done enough. Like I should be further, better, louder, more accomplished. But looking back to the days I used to cry in silence after work, eat biscuits for dinner, and call it survival. I strongly believe that I've come so far.

I mean, I laugh better now, I eat better too, and even sleep well at night without anxiety clutching my chest. I can send money home without having to cut down much on other ex-penses. And to me, that's growth in many ways.

Writing this I realized that not all progress is loud. Some of it is slow and awkward. Some of it happens with time and some occurs in that silence. When I realized that I learnt how to be kind to myself on bad days. I learnt how to be patient with my time. And looking back now, I can tell that it was worth it.

Truth is, I’m not yet where I dream to be, but I’m glad that I am no longer where I used to be. And for now, that's what matters.

Picture is mine