RE: Fiction: Tragedy in the theater || Tragedia en el teatro (Eng-Spn)
You are viewing a single comment's thread:
Whilst I get the clever interplay between real and performed tragedy, for me, the story lacks clarity and becomes confusing at times. There is a sub-text that remains too subtle and does not allow the reader to understand fully the relationship between the characters, their motivations and actions, and why they matter in the context of the story. In short, we do not become invested in the characters or their outcomes as it lacks emotional engagement. The language and references in the piece do not always make for easy reading which draws the reader's attention out of the story. The irony is that the writing risks becoming what it mocks in the story, and leaves this reader feeling unfulfilled, despite the literary cleverness of the piece. As readers, we need to be moved. We need to care about the characters and the direction of the story to remain invested. I think that if you had provided these elements, it would have been a much stronger and more balanced piece. I love that you push literary boundaries, with structure and style and play with technical layering. It is always with great interest that I read your stories. You take on massive literary challenges, you take risks with your writing, which evidences irony, satire, and intelligence, but we do need the emotional counterbalance. Does that make sense?
Knight 1 and 2. They are the second and third to arrive in line for tickets to the performance of Hamlet. One of them has a mustache and a prominent tail. The other is just a guy dressed in a suit and carrying a cane.
Knight 3. He is the first to arrive in line for tickets. Being distracted, and at the same time somewhat presumptuous, he hits the woman on the knee with his cane.
The Lady. A woman waiting her turn in line at the theater. Also, being "opportunistic" or "opportunistic," she commits the "abuse" of jumping the line, taking the place that corresponds to the others, who are ahead of her.
Event: After receiving the blow to the leg and noticing that the three gentlemen in question are laughing at her She, with that sobering expression, "No, no, it's not right!" She glares at them with resentment and vengeance. This can be seen in the phrase: "The lady, still in pain, scrutinized the three of them from top to bottom, like someone recording sins and sinners in an accounting book."
Subject 5. The observer. He narrates the story in the first person. He is also the ticket seller for the franchise. A fan of Shakespeare's plays, he climbs into the box to watch the play from the presidential office.
"Horace." Well, you only need to be familiar with Shakespearean theater to know that he is Prince Hamlet's personal friend. He is also the first to see the ghost of the King of Denmark, in the play "The Tragedy of Hamlet."
Hamlet 1. He is the King of Denmark who dies at the hands of his brother, Claudius, who later becomes king by taking Queen Gertrude as his wife.
Hamlet 2. He is the prince. King Hamlet's son. He is asked to take revenge for his father's death.
The quotes generated from the original excerpt from the play "The Tragical History of Hamlet" are used to help understand the chronology of the story, where it is alluded to that the play has already begun and the dramatized voices of the actors can be heard in the aisles of the theater.
The lady and the two gentlemen occupying the seats in the box. Well, they are the same characters from the beginning of the story. Because they were the first four to arrive at the performance, they won preferential tickets. The lady is recognizable because she sits with one leg stretched out on a silk cushion, suggesting that it is the same battered leg from the blow she received with the cane at the beginning of the story.
The box scene shows that the gentlemen in the story finally got what they deserved from the lady, for having mistreated and mocked her in the ticket line, where she herself condemned them with a look.
As for the winner of the fourth ticket, it must be assumed that he is the man who struck the lady with the cane. And because there was an empty chair in the box and he was absent from the scene, well, it is assumed that they fared worse than the other two gentlemen, who are noticeably beaten and submissive to the Lady's whims.
The plot is “Satire” and “Adventure,” perhaps an elegant comedy. Simply a story that evolves and combines several literary genres. It also contains “Classic” literature.
It's worth noting that I like to innovate in writing and take risks. I like to create, if possible, my own authentic and completely organic style. To that end, I prepare myself every day with new knowledge. In fact, I love taking the advice, corrections, and observations offered by my Hivers friends, fellow writers and excellent storytellers.
I love the #theinkwell community.
Thank you for your attention.
@theinkwell, @agmoore, @gracielaacevedo
What you are trying to achieve in this piece is not lost on me, I just feel that it missed the mark. It needed some balance. Explaining your characters and their purpose in detail does not resolve the issues within the story that cause confusion and disconnect. I get the irony. I understood the story when I curated it. Hamlet happens to be my favourite Shakespearean play. Your story may be a clever piece that satisfies the intellect of the writer, and even amuses the intellect of the reader, but it doesn't connect emotionally, and therefore doesn't land with the aplomb that you had probably intended. It is not clear from whose perspective we are expected to be reading the story, and the narrator only makes an entrance much later. You describe three men, two who are fencing and another who hits the lady, yet at the end there are four ticket holders and we are now told that the 4th was likely the one who hit the lady? I am not understanding the math, and that creates more confusion. As writers, we often write first and foremost for ourselves. But, when we choose to publish to an audience, we need to ensure that we give our readers enough to feel invested in the characters and the outcome. This was not the case for me with this piece. You bring something different to The Ink Well that a lot of people could learn from so there is an aspect to your writing that I find brilliant. I can appreciate the literary artistry and simultaneously provide advice that, for me to derive pleasure from the piece, I also need to feel a connection to the characters and the story. In the end, if the writer does not make them matter to me, what is the point? I simply advise that there needs to be some balance. But, it is your story and your writing, and you must write what you want to write. I can only provide feedback on the reader experience.