The Me That Nobody Knows

There is one side that no one can see or comprehend easily. We can present a smiling face to the world and behind the door, we have our own feelings, struggles, and stories which we do not reveal to anybody. This is the other side of us, as I have made it seem. It is the side that seldom gets pointed out by people not because we do not want it to be not discussed, but because it is hard to say or define.

In my case, the other half of me is the silent half, which loves thinking and being alone. A lot of people perceive me as a person, who is joyful, chatty and spirited. They believe that I always love being with people. However, the fact is I tend to like spending time by myself.

When nobody is around, I mull a lot over life, and God, and the purpose of all the things that have transpired. I look back on my previous errors, my aspirations, and the type of individual that I aspire to be. I like them when there is some silence as I am more able to know myself. However this part of me cannot be easily identified since I generally display my spirited side and social side to other people.

The other aspect of my character that passersby do not know much about is the fact that I am very emotional. I might appear to be strong, bold, and confident in the external world but deep within me, I have feelings that are very deep inside. I am easy to move with the suffering of people, with words of kindness, or little things of love.

I at times even shed tears when I see somebody suffering though I do not openly express my feelings. I also get offended when people misinterpret me or think that I do not care. I do not always show my feelings because they are real and very powerful within me.

Another aspect about me is my creative side which not many people know about. I enjoy writing, drawing, and fantasizing. I occasionally sit in silent mode and come up with stories or thoughts which I never share. Writing gives me peace. It makes me get out what I cannot say. My writing covers emotions that are not possible to convey through words. I would also like to show this creative side of me more frequently, as it is one of the most pure components of my personality.

I have another facet of myself that is unfamiliar to me, and that is my fear of failure. I can be perceived as a confident and hardworking person, but inside my soul I sometimes lack confidence. I fear not being good enough. I am afraid that I will fail to satisfy the people who have faith in me.

I attempt to disguise this fear by smiling and being determined and it is ever present. At times, I will be lying in bed at night and wonder why I am not doing enough or whether I can ever be all I dream. But I will persist, since despite fear residing within me, there is hope within me as well.

At other times, what lies on the other side of us is not dark or bad, it is simply soft, quiet, and very personal. It is the section that makes us remain real in a world of everybody donning a mask. In my opinion, the world would be nicer in case everyone could see the other side of the coin. We would be less judgmental and more loving. We would learn that even the most powerful individuals do not stop crying occasionally, and even the most joyful ones may become lonely.

I hope people could be able to see that side of me that is sensitive, thoughtful, and quiet hopeful. I would like them to understand that after smiling, there is a person who feels, prays, dreams, and even has problems that no one can know about. But I am coming to realize that it is alright to have this side partially concealed. It makes me human. It helps me to remember that every person has a story that is not visible to the other people.

Ultimately, the other half of us is not a thing to be embarrassed about. It is something one must know, accept and love. It is what makes us unique. It is what makes us real. And even when people never see it entirely, it is what matters that we see it.