Weekend engagement 262: The Fears I Carry for My Future Family

I always dream of a beautiful home with a loving and caring partner, and amazing kids. I picture a laughter-filled kitchen, warm arms around me after long days, and the sweet sound of someone calling me “Mummy.” But every beautiful dream seems to come with a shadow of soft fears that follow me like a second heartbeat.

I’ve seen many homes and heard many stories, some heartwarming, others heartbreaking. From them, I’ve come to understand that while love is essential in a family, it’s not always enough to sustain it. There are things love can endure, and there are things it can’t. And that truth stirs my fears.

First is the fear of not being a good partner.
Sometimes I wonder: Will I be supportive, loving, and strong enough to hold my family together? I’ve noticed areas where I fall short, so I’ve started working on them. With my siblings, I practice listening when they need it, offering comfort, advice, and practical help. Even on days when I have nowhere to go, I wake up early to prepare breakfast for my brother, just so he can leave for the day with a sense of ease.

When it comes to support, especially financial, I know society often expects men to carry that weight. But I don't want my partner to bear it alone. That’s why I’ve learned a skill: fashion designing, and I’m quite good at it. I’ve furthered my education so I can contribute wherever I fit in. I’ve also learned how to make home essentials like pomade, liquid soap, detergents, bar soap, and even pastries, so we won’t need to buy everything.

Then the fear of repeating family patterns.
I often found myself angry at how long it took me to gain independence. At 20, I still felt unprepared for life. When I traced it back, I realized it was my parents' belief that one should finish tertiary education before thinking of a trade or skill. Their focus was solely on white-collar jobs. They didn’t see anything wrong with that, but I do. That’s why I’ve decided my own children will start learning practical skills from a young age. It’s one of the things I’ll discuss with my future partner, so we can plan intentionally for it.

Another fear is that love or intimacy might fade over time.
It scares me, but I’ve found a simple way to manage that fear: I lower my expectations. I don’t mean I settle for less but I try not to build dreams so high that if they fall, they shatter me completely. Unmet expectations often lead to heartbreak, disappointment, and bitterness. So while I stay positive, I also stay grounded.

And then there’s the fear of regret, the biggest of all.
What if I choose the wrong partner? What if I’m not truly happy with family life?
The best way I know to face this is by drawing closer to my Maker, asking Him to lead me to the right person. At the same time, I’ll do my part: study the person, ask the necessary questions, observe, and be honest with myself. I’m aware of human imperfection, and I’ve made room for it. I’ll also continue working on myself: improving, learning, unlearning, compromising, and building a standard that works for us.

These fears don’t mean I don’t want a family. They just mean I want it deeply, and I want to do it well. And maybe that’s enough for now, to be aware, to be honest, and to be open-hearted, even with my fear sitting quietly beside me.

Thanks for reading
Stay inspired, stay true
@ritaetim