LOH COMMUNITY CONTEST #261: From surrendering to reconnecting with myself

Before talking about the present, I feel I need to look back at that past which, although full of challenges, left me with lessons learned and deep impressions. Every stage I have lived through, every sacrifice, every decision, has shaped the person I am today. It has not always been easy to recognize this, but in the silence of my days, I have learned to listen to myself with more kindness.
So, to answer the two questions that resonated with me, I must take a brief look at who I was.
Do you have a negative thought about yourself? What is it, and are you doing something to reframe that and adopt a more positive outlook?
Yes. One of the thoughts that has been with me most lately is the feeling of loneliness. It's not just any loneliness, it's the kind that settles in your soul when you look back and see everything you left behind for love, for duty, for caring.
I had a rich life, full of activity, travel, a thriving career, simple pleasures like buying perfume or choosing clothes without worrying about the price. But all that came to a halt when my mother fell ill. She was bedridden for four years, and I was by her side, without hesitation, without complaint, recently divorced and with my young son. I would do it again, because I loved her. But the consequences of that devotion were profound, and its weight is a cross I carry on my shoulders.
After her death, I devoted myself entirely to raising my son. I closed the door on the possibility of having a partner, of building a life of my own. Today he is 15 years old, he is beginning to fly, and I am left looking at the empty nest, wondering if I made a mistake, and why I forgot about myself, why, once again, I put myself aside.
I feel lonely, yes. But I also recognize that I have grown accustomed to this loneliness. It has become part of me, like a shadow that accompanies me in silence. And although I don't feel ready for a relationship, I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be ready... or if I should build it little by little. I don't know.
I am trying to reframe this thought. Not from a place of guilt, but from a place of compassion. Reminding myself that every decision I made was made out of love, based on what I believed to be right at the time. And that also deserves respect.
Loneliness has taught me to listen to myself, to support myself, to find beauty in silence. But I also want to learn to open up, to let life surprise me, even if it's just a little bit at a time.
I'm in that process. I don't have definitive answers, but I have the will to keep going. And that, for me, is already an act of hope.
Do you practice gratitude in your life? If so, what are you most grateful for today?
Practicing gratitude has not always been easy for me. There are days when exhaustion outweighs the reasons to be thankful, and moments when I wonder if all the effort has been worth it. I don't say this out of complaint or victimization, but out of the honesty of someone who has given a lot and sometimes feels that life responds with silence.
Even so, I have learned to see things differently. I am deeply grateful to have a roof over my head, food to eat, and good health. These are the pillars that sustain my daily life, and although they may seem simple, I know that not everyone has them. I am also grateful for the love that has moved me to care for others, to accompany them, to give up things for them. Because even though the consequences have been hard, each act of devotion has been an expression of the best in me.
Today, I am grateful for the ability to keep trying. Even though sometimes the path closes, even though plans don't turn out as I hope, I keep looking for ways to move forward. And that, that willingness not to give up, is also a reason for gratitude.
Gratitude, for me, is not denying the difficult. It is recognizing that even in the midst of complexity, there is light. And that light, however small, deserves to be celebrated.

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Spanish

Antes de hablar del presente, siento que necesito mirar hacia atrás, a ese pasado que, aunque lleno de desafíos, me dejó aprendizajes y huellas profundas. Cada etapa vivida, cada renuncia, cada decisión, ha moldeado la persona que soy hoy. No siempre ha sido fácil reconocerlo, pero en el silencio de mis días, he aprendido a escucharme con más amabilidad.
Así que, para responder a las dos preguntas con las que conecté, debo echar una breve mirada a lo que fui.
¿Tienes algún pensamiento negativo sobre ti misma? ¿Cuál es? ¿Estás haciendo algo para replantearlo y adoptar una perspectiva más positiva?
Sí. Uno de los pensamientos que más me acompaña últimamente es la sensación de soledad. No es una soledad cualquiera, es esa que se instala en el alma cuando miras atrás y ves todo lo que dejaste por amor, por deber, por cuidar.
Tuve una vida abundante, llena de movimiento, de viajes, de una carrera en ascenso, de placeres sencillos como comprarme un perfume o elegir ropa sin preocuparme por el precio. Pero todo eso se detuvo cuando mi mamá enfermó. Cuatro años postrada, y yo a su lado, sin dudarlo, sin quejas, recién divorciada y con mi hijo pequeño. Lo volvería a hacer, porque la amaba. Pero las consecuencias de esa entrega fueron profundas, su peso es una cruz que cargo a cuestas.
Después de su partida, me volqué por completo a la crianza de mi hijo. Cerré las puertas a la posibilidad de tener pareja, de construir una vida afectiva propia. Hoy él tiene 15 años, empieza a volar, y yo me quedo mirando el nido vacío, preguntándome si me equivoqué, y por qué me olvidé de mí, por qué, una vez más, me dejé de lado.
Me siento sola, sí. Pero también reconozco que me acostumbré a esta soledad. Se volvió parte de mí, como una sombra que me acompaña en silencio. Y aunque no me siento preparada para una relación, empiezo a preguntarme si estaré lista algún día… o si debo construirla poco a poco. No sé.
Estoy intentando replantear este pensamiento. No desde la culpa, sino desde la compasión. Recordándome que cada decisión que tomé fue desde el amor, desde lo que en ese momento creí correcto. Y eso también merece respeto.
La soledad me ha enseñado a escucharme, a sostenerme, a encontrar belleza en los silencios. Pero también quiero aprender a abrirme, a dejar que la vida me sorprenda, aunque sea de a poquito.
Estoy en ese proceso. No tengo respuestas definitivas, pero tengo la voluntad de seguir caminando. Y eso, para mí, ya es un acto de esperanza.
¿Practicas una vida agradecida? Si es así, ¿de qué estás más agradecida hoy?
Practicar la gratitud no siempre ha sido fácil para mí. Hay días en los que el cansancio pesa más que las razones para agradecer, y momentos en los que me pregunto si tanto esfuerzo ha valido la pena. No lo digo desde la queja, ni desde la victimización, sino desde la honestidad de quien ha dado mucho y a veces siente que la vida le responde con silencio.
Aun así, he aprendido a mirar con otros ojos. Agradezco profundamente tener un techo, alimento y salud. Son pilares que sostienen mi día a día, y aunque parezcan simples, sé que no todos los tienen. También agradezco el amor que me ha movido a cuidar, a acompañar, a renunciar por otros. Porque aunque las consecuencias hayan sido duras, cada acto de entrega ha sido una expresión de lo mejor que hay en mí.
Hoy, agradezco la capacidad de seguir intentando. Aunque a veces el camino se cierre, aunque los planes no salgan como espero, sigo buscando formas de avanzar. Y eso, esa voluntad de no rendirme, también es motivo de gratitud.
La gratitud, para mí, no es negar lo difícil. Es reconocer que incluso en medio de lo complejo, hay luz. Y que esa luz, por pequeña que sea, merece ser celebrada.

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Seguramente tomaste la mejor decisión posible en el momento, no puedes dudar porque lo hiciste bien. Tomar decisiones no es nada fácil, a veces nos embargan las dudas si lo hicimos bien. Muchísimo éxito y un abrazo.
!LADY
!PIZZA
!HUESO
!ALIVE
!BBH
!PIZZA
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¡Hola! Gracias de corazón por tus palabras de aliento, significan mucho para mí. Tienes razón, en ese momento tomé la decisión con lo que tenía, y aunque las dudas a veces se asoman, saber que lo hice lo mejor posible me da paz. ¡Un abrazo fuerte de vuelta y mucho éxito para ti también! 😊
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Thank you for sharing your story. Take care!
Thank you for joining me in this reading! Best regards!
You are most welcome!
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Your love and compassion are boundless, and you sacrificed a lot for the sake of your loved ones. And even with the consequences, you still appreciate life and all its complexities. I wish you the best in finding answers to what you're seeking🩷
!LADY
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Hello! Your words touch me deeply. Thank you for recognizing that infinite love and the sacrifices I have made for those I love. Despite the consequences, I continue to value every complexity of life with gratitude and hope. I wish you all the best in your search too, and may life give you beautiful answers! A big hug full of light 🤗
Your story is very touching
Many people who perhaps go through your similar experience in life would shrink back in obscure loneliness and give up on life but here you are alive, grateful and thriving while hoping for the best.
I'd say congratulations and hey sorry that you eventually lost your beloved mother whom you gave up so much for.
Be strengthened and your innermost desires would come to you as you live a life of gratitude continually
Wow, what a beautiful message, thank you. Such lovely words, thank you sincerely for telling me all this. You touched my soul. I trust that God will not abandon me. I have faith that life will soon begin to smile on me and my son and embrace us.
Thank you again for your beautiful message 🤗