DIVORCE - WHOSE WELLBEING SHOULD COME FIRST?
It is so sad to see the alarming rate at which people go in and out of marriages. These days, some marriages barely make it through a whole year before it gets dissolved. And for most of them, the divorce is mostly messy. It makes me wonder, and ask if these individuals never took the time to learn about themselves for a while before commiting or if they were just overwhelmed by the butterflies and then proceeded to take the vows cause, "they'll figure it all out as they go."
Recently, I learned that this guy whom I know got married. I was very happy for him, only to learn that in that same week, less than a week after the marriage ceremony, both couples got separated. It's the most that I've heard about a divorce. To say I was shocked is an understatement. People have different reasons for separating from their partners and while I don't have an opinion about their lives/marriage and what they do with it, I mostly worry for couples who have kids from the union.
Also, recently, someone was narrating how rhis couple whom we know to be lovey-dovey and playful had a bad separation. About how they'd quarrel and get physical all the way from the covers of their house to the street. They have two little boys, with the elder one being just about seven years old. I worried for what they must have witnessed through all the chaotic times at home.
I wasn't born into a home where there was that sort discord, and of my parents had to go away, but I can tell it must be traumatizing on children to witness these divorces. Kids are inquisitive and sensitive, and a situation of such, whether they're informed correctly of what transpired or not, will affect them somehow. In the last few years, there has been increasing cases of violence in the home, and while it's not the only reason for divorce, it is a chief reason. No one should gave to go through that in a union that should be their comfort zone.
Couples have emotions, too, and a life separate from their children. Gone are those days when people stayed in unions that ate them up from the inside and messed up the trajectory of their lives because they have children and are concerned about stigma, raising their kids in a complete home, whether or not it was truly a complete and healthy place and the likes.
Marriage isn't easy. It takes two to tango. If it gets to that point where it has to be endured and then the only reason one would choose to stay back in it is cause of the effect on their kids, then they should get out. It's possible to co-parent. A person should put themselves first. It's only an all-around stable individual who can raise a healthy kid. Maybe it would be gard on the kids, and maybe they'd grow older to understand why the parent has to do what they did or not, but first, they should consider themselves first. You can't live a miserable life because you're trying to raise kids who might grow up to blame you for staying hack in that toxic environment and would likely get older and move on with their own lives. When that happens, what then becomes of you? How would you be able to face yourself? What becomes of you and that partner? Before one is a parent, he/she is a person first. And that tells everything.
I hope that this was interesting to read. Thanks for coming around.