GROWING INTO MATURITY

As an aspiring father, there are things I would like to teach my kids and there are values I would wish for them to have. Having these values and level of training would go a long way in me trusting their thought process. There are ways I deceived my parents growing up, things I did behind closed doors and times I took advantage of the trust they had in me and did things they would never believe I was capable of doing. Looking back now, I understand my parents were too busy to really know me and they focused more on the kind of child they wanted me to be than the kind of child I truly was. I think knowing who your child really is starts with giving them a sense of privacy. This was something I never had as a child or an adolescent and for that reason they felt they had been keeping an eye on me, but in the real sense I had been the one keeping an eye on them. I knew their routines, their every move, when they look and think I am not noticing, when they pretend to be sleeping and when they are actually sleeping. I had studied them like a book and I knew them very well.

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When I start having kids, and after watching them grow to the point of understanding little things is when I would like to start giving them a sense of privacy. Note that a sense of privacy is different from privacy. When you give people a sense of control and privacy you make them think that they are in control and can do whatever they want whereas you are the one pulling the strings. This is what I think is the best way to train a child and really see them for who they are and not what you wish they were. This way they are not trying to hide things from you because they do not even know whether you are watching nor how you are watching. And when they do the things they are not supposed to do, you know and can now come up with the best method to handle it. If my child for example feels the need to always close the door, I would allow it whereas leaving a camera in the room which even gives me a better view of what they are doing. The most important thing is they do not even know where or how I’m watching them.

I am the kind of parent that believes that training a child is one thing, and knowing they are truly following what you have taught is another thing. This is why I let them be and watch them from afar. I also believe this would give them more experience and help them figure out how to solve problems on their own using their initiative. Then they know I am always around. They become either too dependent or do not open up enough, making me miss the crucial parts of their lives. But then again this is just what I hope to do, I have never been a father before and I do not know how it feels to be one yet, I hear the instinct to protect is the major reason many can’t give privacy, and I hope I will be able to work on that when my time comes.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 185 EPISODE 2