FINDING EXCUSES

I woke up one sunday morning with no intention to do anything or go anywhere which is something I’ve never been known for. I woke up feeling like a log of wood, so heavy that I wished someone would carry me, bath me, dress me, feed me, and give me everything I want without having to pay for it. I lay down still on the bed reminiscing on what it would feel like if I had such treatment, the thought of it was continually giving me butterflies in my stomach until my partner came to put me out of my mystery. She walked into the room carrying this babish aura, lying on my chest and softly saying; It’s past 8:00 am, go take your bath so we can go to church. Right there, every word she said sounded annoying, I felt like someone whose sleep was distorted, I felt like yelling at her to leave me alone, but then another part of me knew why I was angry, and it wasn’t for something she had any control over because it was all happening in my head.

Although I knew everything happening to me was all in my head, but then again the feelings were real and I wasn’t ready to let go of them. I lay there looking for the words to reply to her. I knew shouting at her would be very unfair, because she had no idea what was going on with me. Telling her I’m not feeling well would be a lie, telling her I just want to be alone would raise a lot of questions I wasn’t ready for. I know her too well to think telling her I want to be alone would make her just let me be, now I’m thinking about all the possible replies I could give for why she should leave me alone. Telling her I was enjoying my fantasies would put me at a point where I would need to explain what I was fantasizing about, she might even pick offense with something I said at the end of the day which again would bring me back to a reality I wasn’t ready for.

SOURCE

“So everything I was saying doesn’t have a reply?” She said as she stood up angrily to leave the room. While I just lay there wondering what she even said for a sec because I really didn’t hear anything. After what it seemed to be a while, my sister worked into the room to ask why I wasn’t going to church. I didn’t even hear her at first, until she said sarcastically; “if you have issues with your babe, I’m not involved ooo”. It was then I noticed her in the room while she came to use my perfume and just left for church. Few minutes later, my partner came back to the room saying it's almost 10:00 am and I’m still laying on the bed. That was when reality dawned on me that I had spent over an hour laying down doing absolutely nothing. I really wanted to go back to what I was doing, but then seeing as she was very angry I knew that would be a very bad idea.

Out of desperation not to annoy her any further, I picked my lazy ass up only to fall back almost immediately because I stood up too quickly and my body had been in a lying state for a very long time. Due to how much I had spent laying down, it seemed blood flow to my legs was limited and my muscles weren’t given the time to prepare before I stood up. My partner seeing me fall like that immediately ran to my side to check up on me which made her forget for a second that she was angry at my silence which I had no explanation for. Seeing an opportunity there, I took advantage of the situation by saying I was feeling dizzy which technically I was at that moment, but used it as an excuse for the other times. She was all; You could have said something instead of making me feel stupid with silence. Touching me and noticing nothing was wrong with my temperature, she asked again, are you sure you are okay or you’re just pretending. At this point I knew my cover was blown, and my weak excuse was not enough. At the end of the day, my only response was to apologize and tell her I wasn’t feeling myself through the day which sounded like another weak excuse, but was actually true.

THIS IS MY ENTRY INTO THE INKWELL CREATIVE NONFICTION PROMPT #137