DECISIONS AND REPERCUSSIONS

I’ve always been one to watch my decisions and try to be careful enough to make the right decisions. But then there are times you can’t be too careful and even after calculating all the expected outcomes in your head, something unexpected happens in reality. In fac this occurs more than we think. It’s as though the universe knows the decisions you have made and are trying to fight it, probably trying to make you prove to yourself that you can stand by the decision you have taken. At least this is how I feel when I see things not going my way. Instead of spending time wondering why I had to go through it all, I’m busy thinking about different ways to tackle the new challenges that I see accepting the challenge to stand by my decision. At the end of the day a loss doesn’t disappoint me, what disappoints me is not having the strength to stand by the decision I had made.

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I hardly make decisions, this is because I do not want to have to go back on that decision. I'm usually very strict in that department, and this is coming from someone who can just allow anything as they come. My level of patience is on another level, at least it’s what I have been told by a lot of people even though I don’t think so myself. I don’t want to have to say something and say another thing tomorrow, so I try to ensure that whatever I say today, is what I will say in the next 10 years. There was a time in my life as a boy I made a silly decision, I can’t even remember what it was about, but I remember my mum kneeling down to beg me to change it and I refused. There was another time I made a decision to not tell a lie, and police arrested my dad because I refused to tell them he wasn’t around.

The day I finally told a lie, I was so disappointed in myself that the singular act broke me. I then decided from that time never to say never and it’s a code I have lived by for almost 15 years now. I never tell myself that I will never do something, I never tell myself that I will always be something. This isn’t because I can’t do it, but because I don’t want to put myself on a high horse that could end up hurting those around me. Instead of saying never to something, I will put a timeframe around it so that way I feel like a debtor who has paid his debts and can now live freely. Decisions to me are like burdens, especially when I have to uphold them at the craziest of times. I have made some big decisions that are still changing my life till date, but I try to put some flexibility to them.

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For example I made the decision to make exercising a culture instead of deciding to always exercise. This way if I fall short I wouldn’t be too bothered because the goal is to make it a culture that means I will have to be doing it until it becomes part of me. If I should fall short I simply tell myself I will keep on trying. I have understood that no man has the power to completely change or influence situations, the only thing we can do is to continue to try, which I will keep on doing no matter how many times I fall short. This is how I think when I want to make any decision at all, because every decision for me, is a big decision.

THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S PROMPT FOR WEEK 161 EPISODE 3