The Cycle Of Resumption

There are a lot of lies I have told myself in the past as a student. Some of these lies were; "I'll make a timetable and follow the to-do list accordingly, I'll read through notes every day after lectures, I'll finish reading certain textbooks before the end of the semester, etc."; none of these resolutions were executed. Immediately after resumption, I acted serious for a day or two, and the following day I would find myself going back to my old routine unconsciously. This continued every semester until I graduated. Sometimes I wish I would have done them because I feel the gap my lackadaisical attitude caused me.

One of the reasons why I made those resolutions after every semester was the gap in knowledge I feel every time I'm home. I had this thirst for knowledge. Certain friends, shows and movies challenged me to want to be better. For a moment, I felt I could but lied to myself that it was only possible if I was in the school environment but any time I find myself in the school settings, I become too busy and tell myself how little time I had left after the day's activities. None of my longing built root, they were just smoke that vanished in a short time.

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The Illusion of the timetable

There was a time I made a timetable in School on how my activities for each day would be. Time was allocated to each task, and since I know the activities for each day that were already programmed by the school, I didn't interfere with them. I started well the first day even though keeping to the exact allocated time wasn't effective, I told myself it would get better with time, but it never was. Rather, things got worse. I started to find excuses for each unaccomplished task of the day, gradually I started to leave a lot undone and before a week, I no longer cared about the timetable I designed, I went with the flow of my desire.

The lies never ended. As a student I was lacking discipline to stick to a goal and I never developed it. Even though my ability to grasp whatever I read in a few minutes was an advantage for me, I never attained that position I hoped to have achieved if I had been committed to my yearly semester resolution.

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