Weekend Engagement Week #284 - Topic 1 : A People Pleaser's Pocket, Why My High Hopes Got So Hurt?

Hello it's me cintilla this week's Weekend-Engagement topic, Week #284 topic 1, hit me right where I live! The question about expectations holding them high, keeping them low is the story of my heart. I want to share how being a person who loves to help has actually made me feel the biggest "heartaches" when others didn't do the same for me. I have a big secret: I am a girl who is a people-pleaser. That’s a fancy way of saying my favorite game is making sure everyone around me is happy. I always make sure to share my best crayons, help my friends with their homework, and I always, always say "yes" when someone needs something. I work super hard to be the kindest, most reliable person I can be.

I see a problem, and I grab my big, giant Bucket of Help and pour it out for everyone else. I do my best for other people more than I do for myself, thinking this was the golden rule: If I fill everyone else's cup, surely they will remember me when my cup is empty, right? That is why I had HUGE, sky-high expectations for the people I cared about. My expectations weren't just about small stuff; they were about fairness and love. I thought, "Since I am doing this big thing for them, they will surely do the same big thing for me when I need it!" My high expectation was a silent deal: I give everything, and you promise to be there.

But guess what happens when my Bucket of Help is totally dry and I need someone? Nobody is there! It’s like everyone suddenly has to go home! I look around for the people I poured my energy into, and they are all too busy. It feels like I gave away all my coins, and now my pocket is empty, and nobody has even one coin to give back to me. This part is the ouchiest. When I give and give and then get nothing back, it makes my tummy hurt, and my heart feels heavy. It doesn't just feel like a disappointment; it feels like they didn't care about the silent deal, which made me want to hide and stop being nice, because I was so afraid of being let down again.

When you get hurt by high expectations, the easiest choice is to say, "I'm going to have low expectations! I won't expect anything, so I won't be sad!" I tried that. But having low expectations means you stop hoping, and that makes life feel gray and boring. It means I stop trusting people to be good, and that’s not fair to the people who do try. You can't connect with people if you always expect them to fail you.

So now, I try to use my magic glasses to see things differently. I am learning that being a good friend means taking care of me first. I can still be kind, but I need to save some of my energy and some of my help coins for myself. This is called setting boundaries it's like drawing a little fence around my energy so I don't pour everything out. I am learning to have high expectations for myself first, like expecting myself to say "no" when I am tired! And expecting myself to ask for help with my loud, outside voice. This way, when someone I helped isn't available, it still feels a little sad, but it doesn't break me because I know I am already holding my own hand the best expectation I can have is the one I have for me.

Do you keep your hopes high or low, to avoid the heart aches of disappointment? I’d love to read your stories in the comments!