The Memory I Wish I Could Erase

Life has a way of creating memories that stay with us forever some we hold close because they bring us joy, and others we wish we could erase because they bring nothing but pain. If I had the power to delete just one memory from my life, it would be the day I lost my father.

That day still lives inside me like a shadow. It was the kind of pain I never saw coming. My dad was my hero my biggest supporter, my protector, the one person who always knew what to say when life got too heavy. I felt safe when he was around. His presence was strong, steady, and full of love.

The day it happened, everything felt normal. I wasn’t prepared. I don’t think anyone ever is. Then the call came the kind of call that makes your stomach drop before ou even hear the words. All I remember was someone saying, “Your dad is gone

My whole body went cold.

I dropped the phone. My heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. I kept whispering
No, no, no,” over and over, hoping I’d wake up and realize it was all a nightmare. But it wasn’t. He was really gone. Just like that.

That memory it haunts me. The tears, the disbelief, the overwhelming emptiness. The way I screamed into my pillow because I didn’t know what else to do. The funeral. Seeing him in a coffin the man who once carried me on his shoulders, now lying still. That image is something I wish I could erase from my mind forever.

Grief is a strange thing. Some days I manage to smile, go about life, even laugh. And then other days, a memory hits me the sound of his laughter, the scent of his cologne, a phrase he always used and suddenly I’m right back in that moment, broken all over again.

If I could erase just that one memory the moment I found out he was gone I would. Not because I want to forget him. Never. But because I want to remember him without the pain. I want my heart to hold onto his love, his strength, his wisdom not the trauma of losing him.

But no matter how badly I want to forget, that memory is a part of me now. It changed me. It made me grow up in ways I wasn’t ready for. It reminded me that life is short, that the people we love won’t always be here. It taught me to cherish every moment, say I love you often, and never take anyone for granted.

Still, if I had the chance, I’d trade that memory for one more day with my dad. One more hug. One more smile. One more “I’m proud of you

That is the memory I would erase not to forget him, but to remember him without the pain.

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