Why I Choose to Forgive, Even When They Don’t Deserve It

Forgiveness is a word that sounds easy when we say it, but in reality, it can feel like carrying a mountain. I have learned over time that forgiving someone is not always about them sometimes, it is more about us. If I choose to hold on to every heartbreak, betrayal, and disappointment that people have caused me, then I am the one suffering, not them.

I know some people might not deserve forgiveness. In fact, they might never even apologise or acknowledge the hurt they caused. But I have come to realise that if I keep replaying the pain in my mind, it eats away at my peace and joy. It’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The truth is, they might move on with their lives, while I am stuck in the same place, carrying bitterness that weighs me down.

For me, forgiveness is a choice, and it’s a choice I make because I want to live free. I believe that if God can forgive me for the countless times I have failed Him, then who am I not to forgive others? Sometimes, forgiveness is not about saying, “What you did was okay.” It’s about saying, “I refuse to let what you did keep controlling my life.”

I also see forgiveness as an act of strength. People think forgiving is for the weak, but it actually takes a strong heart to let go of pain when you have every reason to hold on to it. It’s not that I forget what happened, but I choose to release the power it has over me.

There have been times I forgave someone who didn’t even deserve it. They didn’t change, they didn’t apologise, and they didn’t try to make things right. But I still forgave them, not because they earned it, but because I needed to set myself free. Holding a grudge is like locking yourself in a cage while the person who hurt you walks around freely.

Another thing I’ve learned is that forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation. You can forgive someone and still decide to keep a healthy distance from them. You can love them from afar, pray for them, and still protect your heart. Forgiveness is about cleansing your soul, not necessarily restoring every broken relationship.

Sometimes, the hardest person to forgive is ourselves. I have had moments where I blamed myself for trusting the wrong people, for ignoring the red flags, or for making choices that led to pain. But if I can forgive others, then I must also learn to forgive myself.

So, do we always have to forgive? In my heart, the answer is yes. Not because it’s easy, not because everyone deserves it, but because life is too short to carry heavy grudges. Unforgiveness is like a chain around your ankle, it slows you down, keeps you stuck, and makes it hard to move forward.

I forgive because I want peace. I forgive because I want my heart light. I forgive because God forgives me daily. And even if the person never says “sorry,” I still choose to let go because my healing matters more than my anger.

In the end, forgiveness is not a gift to the other person. It is a gift we give ourselves.

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